Want to be bold?
This week, we’re revisiting another favorite episode from the past: my fantastic conversation with self-proclaimed bodacious business coach Mary Foley.
In this episode, Mary reveals why success is a decision…
And shares how you can tap into your confidence and take ownership over your life.
Mary also shares her wisdom on building community—and breaks down her “magician vs mule” analogy that every leader needs to hear.
Mentioned in this episode:
Transcript
Mary Foley: In the solving of the problem, ask yourself, am I being a magician or a mule?
Voiceover: You’re listening to the Vibrant Leadership Podcast with leadership speaker and consultant Nicole Greer.
Nicole Greer: Welcome everybody to another episode of the Vibrant Leadership Podcast and today I have a very special guest. I have Mary Foley. Mary Foley revs up women entrepreneurs with the clarity, confidence and consistency and community, that’s a lot of Cs and great alliteration, to generate revenue that they really want. When Mary started revving up her own career when she bodaciously ditched her engineering degree for a job as an $8 an hour customer service rep at AOL. And that’s when AOL was cool. And you’ve got mail. And today she throws on her red cape as her business coach for women entrepreneurs, workshop facilitator and host of the p o w e r Power Plugged podcast. And when she’s not wearing a red cape, she’s sipping wine at a Virginia winery. I think we should have a whole podcast about Virginia wineries another time. But for more information, you go to maryfoley.com. But I am absolutely delighted to have you on the show today.
Mary: I am so glad to be here. And thanks for the invitation, Nicole.
Nicole: Yeah, absolutely. So you got to know that Mary Foley and I both spoke from the same stage. And that’s where we met each other. And I’ve been watching Mary do amazing things. And earlier in my bio that I read or in Mary’s bio that I read, she said that she works with women entrepreneurs, but here’s what I know. She’s probably got a few men learn a thing or two for her. So if you’re if you’re male, don’t hang up.
Mary: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You know, it’s it’s one thing about having a small business, right. And being an entrepreneur is you got to know who your ideal client is, we all will actually do. So my ideal and then when I focus are women entrepreneurs, but the principles are the same, right? Sometimes the packaging and some of the things I offer might be more attractive to women on the service, but the essentials of growing your business at the same.
Nicole: That’s exactly right. All right. Well, first thing I want to talk about is behind you on your door, and also all over your website is this little quote you have called success is a decision. I adore that. Tell me what that means. Explain that to us.
Mary: Well, it’s a choice that we always have a choice, when we wake up in the morning, and we get out of bed, in fact, to get out of bed is a choice. But you know, it’s just the thing that success is also a choice. And then we have to decide, do we want it? What does it look like? What does it take to get it? Are we going to pursue it? And all the actions and every day and how we respond to everything? It’s just it’s a choice. And I think the thing is, is that it’s not like oh, yes, of course I want to you know, make a million dollars, quote unquote, or I want to have that high powered job. Not necessarily. It’s It is about first taking responsibility of what do I want? And that’s a simple question, but it’s a big one.
And there are many times I kind of knew kind of sorta but not really with that clarity. And there’s true power. The other thing I would add is set successes is a decision that starts with the single decision. One I want to be successful, and then it goes what does success look like to me? And then it’s like, well, what would it take to get there and, and then what would be the roadblocks or what will be the things I have to do and then oh, so quote unquote, you come up with a plan, you know, kind of a plan.
And then you have to implement that plan. And then you’re gonna have to modify that plan as you go along as you learn new things. Every single one of those to be minute, and, you know, small, medium and large actions is a choice. And so, um, you know, it’s a, it’s just to me, it’s a quick way. It all starts with a decision, and we all can make that decision.
Nicole: Yeah, so life does unfold. Right? But right, you also take the edges of life and you know, like you’re making the bed all the women on the call can understand that. How you got to get the sheet on the bed, you know, so it takes massive action. So yes, success is definitely a decision followed up by serious action. I love it. Alright, so this is the Vibrant Leadership Podcast. So I want to know what you think it takes to be a great leader like in your own life and of your business. What do you think about leadership?
Mary: I think it takes very much like I was just saying is a choice. First of all, it takes really, I think, to me, at the core of being a leader is deciding to own your life, all of your life. Your personal life, your professional life, your business life, you own it. And you get input from others. You respond to situations but you own where you want to navigate and how you want to go through and do that or not do that. And so to me, you have to lead yourself before you can lead others in the workplace, before you can lead a business before you can lead a team. You have to lead yourself first.
And so to me it’s a it’s about owning, owning that totally. And, you know, coming up with therefore, what do I want? How do I going to pursue it? What does this team need, you know, really being the one, typically leaders make the actions first, they take the actions first. And then they take the actions based on what they’re thinking or the vision or the idea or where to, quote lead to take people. So leaders always have some sense of we’re going here, here’s what it can look like, here’s the idea. Here’s the vision. And they take action to bring themselves first and then as needed others along with that. There’s always an as needed with others along because even even a solopreneur needs third parties to help them do it. Get it all done. So yeah, yeah.
Nicole: 100%, So I agree with you totally. And you said, this really powerful question, you said, you know, what is it that I want? And that’s so funny, because that’s the name of my little TED talk that I did. And I have people all the time, tell me, I can’t figure out what I want. But, you know, I think you got to do what you said in the very beginning, which is make a decision that you want to be successful, right? And then vision, then start working on yourself. That’s great. All right. So you have a belief, I think I looked all over your website. You guys gotta go to maryfoley.com. Check it out. But she believes in being bold. That word bold and bodacious keeps going up everywhere. I’m thinking Mary, but this is almost like the skill set.
Mary: Hmm. Well, it is it’s possible for it, like many skills to get better at it or to say, I want to figure out how to do it. So yeah, I think absolutely being bold is, and what’s interesting is, you know, what might be bold for you right now, you know, at this point in your age and stage in life, and what you’ve already done in your career, and your business can look very different from someone who is well, you know, as I say, we got time in and someone else who may not right, but also someone who’s younger. So I’m always chronological, right goes, I want to they can sometimes they don’t have as many barriers, and there can be more bold and gutsy and take more risk, right? Because they haven’t learned not to or why it not to, right. So yeah, there’s advantages and disadvantages.
But the point is, is that what is bold for you and me and someone else is all going to look slightly different. So it is relative to where we are and what we’ve learned and what we’ve done. But we can all become even more risk taking and bold and more gutsy, it starts with always starts with desire, right? I want to feel I want to take some more risks, or I want to try things that are new to me, which is a form of risk. I want to pursue something. Anything new, that you’ve never done before, or you haven’t really met and you haven’t mastered is is a bold step, okay is, has some risk, it’s some, some gutsy. And, and so it’s kind of fundamental to if you want to truly be a leader, if you want to own your life and own your career and own your business and move it forward.
By definition, you’ve signed yourself up for taking risks for doing things that are new. So what does that mean internally? What does it take internally to do that and to keep doing that, alright, is this internal boldness that then yes, manifests or gets external and takes an action, but the internal boldness is in front of us. As always, here’s something new, it’s gonna feel uncomfortable or awkward, or maybe even embarrassing to figure out how to do a particular the first time we were never, we never knew how to ride a bike before before you rode it. You never knew how to swim until you took swimming lessons. You never knew how to do anything in life until you started pursuing it and doing it. And it always feels uncomfortable. And sometimes it feels downright painful, but usually just feels awkward and uncomfortable at first. And then. So that’s being bold.
So I think it’s the matter of if you think of it as what’s whatever I want to pursue, however, I want to lead my life or my business or my career, and what’s the next step. And if it’s something I haven’t done before, it’s going to be more you need more boldness to do it. And to me, you know, we think of bold as like, I’m going to climb Mount Everest, or whatever the equivalent is right? Oftentimes these huge, you know, things. And yeah, there’s that in it. But what about everyday boldness, which is, you know, I’ve used the word bodacious a lot, right? What about everyday bodaciousness?
That’s about not only making the choice that I’m going to keep going and, you know, not give up easily, but it’s also the everyday choices that go to I’m going to start learning something, I’m going to start doing something I’m going to have a conversation I’ve ever had before, I’m going to those are all bold choices. And put a little asterisk which is not really necessarily small asterik I think right now, in the context of where we are, Nicole is that we have been all challenged. Since the pandemic started to impact our daily lives, we have been challenged to be bold, because it was all new territory.
Nicole: That’s right.
Mary: And people either ended up being stuck and staying stuck. Being kind of frozen and paralyzed at first, it’s a very common reaction and normal to all of a sudden, like the shutdown. But over time it was, as you work through it, if you did work through it. was new territory for all of us. So all those were small, medium and large steps to be bold.
Nicole: Yeah, that’s awesome. Yeah. Well, you know, I think one of the best things I ever learned from Mary Foley as I was sitting, as I was saying. We spoke the same conference, of course, I was sat in her audience, I was an audience member, and did this really great exercise. And it was about people being figure outers, I think you said it. And the challenge you gave us was to turn to a partner at our table, and listen to each other talk about all the things you ever had to figure out in your life. Well, that’s right. I turned to the lady next to me. And at the time, you know, I think I was in my 40s. And she was in her 60s.
And she began to go first. And she said, well, I figured out how to bury a husband at 22. I figured out how to raise three children by myself. I mean, she just, I mean, I was like, so lucky that I was with somebody who understood the question you were asking. Who understood the concept. And I was, I’ve been touched by that ever since. So thank you, Mary Foley. But I’m talk about being a figure outer, because I think that’s the definition of bodacious bold, is, I don’t know, but I’m gonna figure it out.
Mary: Right. Well, in that, you know, I was trying to make the point here and illustrate it that we all want to feel more confident. You know, there’s not a woman alive, or a man I’ve ever met, who said, oh, I really just want to feel like a slacker. And really, you know, incapable, you know, I just want to just feel really small. And I’ve never, you know, met anyone really like that. Even as I said those words. Usually, when I say you want to feel more confident, oh, yeah, even though they may feel some of it, they’d like to feel more of it, right. And typically what happens, and this is true, perhaps women show it or they disclose it more than men do. But it’s just that it’s that’s something that has been a lot of conversation with the women that I’ve worked through over the years.
So it made me think more about what is confidence. So we think confidence is I know what to do, when to do it, how to do it. And I have no doubts, like, I got this, I completely got this because I know it oh, man, I am so comfortable with it. All right. But that’s not really real confidence in the real world. And the reason is, is because we are in multiple situations all the time where we don’t know what to do how to do it, you know when to do it and have no doubt, particularly as I just said, saying before, is we’re one living in a time where there’s a whole lot of newness coming at us that we have to adjust to. So we haven’t done been in this territory completely before. And then also, if we want to pursue things, right, we’re going to be in new territory.
So it doesn’t, it’s really not a realistic definition of confidence. And so but with that, we go oh, well. So we’ve always we would always set ourselves up for not feeling confident. So what I said, what if we just totally redefined confidence. Redefine confidence is step by step, moment by moment, piece by piece, I can figure it out. You know, I mean, I can figure it out. And I can figure it out. I have no doubt I can figure it out. Why is that? Because I figured it out before. And that’s what that exercise was about. So I kind of set it up with this idea of I’ve figured out and everyone listening has figured out, you know, small, medium and large things in their lives before. And then we come up to a new situation. And then we go, Oh, you know, and our confidence gets, you know, lowered because why we haven’t figured it out and mastered it yet.
Nicole: Right. Yet.
Mary: So how do you go into how do you keep your confidence high? Or how do you boost it up? When you’re, you know, now in front of you something new, one of the things is to remember or to reflect about all the things we’ve done in the past. Or even if you say the last month, you don’t even have to go back to I was 22 year old 22 year old and you know, had this major life event, right? Burying my husband and then raising kids. However, if we figured that out then and that that woman did, then whatever’s in front of you, you can figure out now so to me, that is the power in that whole exercise and in that truth, and it’s reminding us of that and and I so I do think everything is figureoutable that’s Marie Forleo. She and I were of course on the same page. I just want you to know I was just a challenger.
Nicole: That’s right and the name, you were so close, right?
Mary: And I did I remember going oh man, but she wrote a book about it, which is great, but the point is validated. But was she and I had the same idea and others maybe have come to the conclusion listening to you can figure it out. Why? Because you figured a whole lot out already in the past.
Nicole: Yeah, that’s awesome. Okay, so d so I love when people give book references. Yeah. So tell us that book. again real quick in case somebody wants to jot it down. It’s Marie Forleo,
Mary: Forleo. F o r l e o. And it’s Everything is Figureoutable.
Nicole: Okay, thank you. That’s awesome. That’s awesome. And you have a book as well, as I understand. Yeah.
Mary: Well, I’ve written several books, and they’re a little bit dated. So I’m just gonna put a little asterisk on that you might be able to find them on Amazon. But it’s, well, one of them is called Bodacious Woman, Outrageously in Charge of Your Life and loving it. Of course, you know, when you read the title, it won’t say it, loving it. But you know, it’ll say that, but you won’t hear it. But that’s why I want to say it out loud. So it’s called Bodacious Woman Outrageously in Charge of your Life and loving it. I have two other books, too.
One’s called Bodacious Career. That started off for me when you know, based on my years at AOL, that’s still out there. It’s an older book. But the concepts you know, there’s a lot of evergreen concepts that are there. And so those are two books that I would recommend, you know, some people once you write one book people go, Well, you can write another book, right? And I don’t know the answer to that yet. But I certainly have been doing lots of other media. So I encourage people to go to maryfoley.com lots of videos and lots of things as a resource. They’re particular under the blog.
Nicole: Okay, fantastic. Fantastic. Okay. So you have this thing called a rev up society. And then you also talk about, it’s so important to be in community, why, you know, leaders, a lot of times, they feel like they’re all on their own, they’re stuck in the corner office, figure it out, before they get anybody else to help them, they got to look smart. So you really, I think, have a different philosophy. It’s all about community or society, or having a society of people to help you. So talk about how community is so important leaders?
Mary: Yeah, well, so I really focus on women entrepreneurs, right. So here it is, they’re all leading their own business separately. And a lot of them, you know, have either third party help. So you know, some of them have teams and employees. So it’s not like they’re completely alone. But who do they turn to, to talk about the struggles and some of the challenges? And then to figure things out, right. So one is to figure things out, but the other is, like, somebody can relate to me. And at least I can express either my frustration, or, or how about the other end, celebrate that I got a new client, or I landed a big, you know, opportunity. And so those, those two things are, are harder to find, when you’re solo, you’re feeling solo, you’re leading, alright, this is a business.
And you this can obviously happen for leaders within teams of organizations, right? Senior executives, as well, who are leading, you know, large divisions in in companies and businesses. What happens is, quote, as you get more to the top, there are fewer and fewer peers, and then it becomes who do I also trust, and not that people are going to rat on you. But when you have limited time, and you want to say who can I who really gets me and who can I trust with whatever I say is not going to be used in a negative way. And I and I’m okay, and that, that’s hard to find. It’s hard to find period, but it’s not impossible. I think it takes a decision that you want to find those.
And so with the rev up society, I created it for women entrepreneurs, who are like minded in that way, and are really driven to build their businesses who are you know, willing to be bold and bodacious create visions, how do I keep the keep myself, you know, really energized, revved up in my revenue. That’s part of it, but also in my how I’m pursuing my business and how I’m thinking about myself, what’s happening between my ears, how coming up with some strategic decisions. And that’s, of course, energizing my business, personally, as well.
Nicole: Yeah. I love what you said. I’m checking in with what’s going on between my ears. I think that’s great. And it is it is so important to find a set of peers to hang out with. Yeah. And so we talked a little bit before we started the the podcast, but you know, we talked about the year that we’ve had and how you’ve got to be adaptable. So I’m wondering on your website, you said it’s been a crazy strange and tough year. So that is just an understatement.
Mary: Yeah, right.
Nicole: Yeah. So what what skills do you think leaders need to have as they move into 2021 and into 2022? I’m already feeling like things are getting better. For those of you who are like, is she kidding? No, really, my phone is ringing. Some other things are happening. I am noticing a little bit of a shift. So I’m very encouraged, what what skills? Do we have to do have to have Mary to move forward?
Mary: It’s a really great question. And I’m really glad you’re asking it. Because I think that leaders of business and leaders, for yourself in your career, you’ve got to be thinking that and, and this is about thinking, okay, we’ve made it through, you know, the pandemic, and we’re, we, you know, people are different places, you may be out of the woods completely, or maybe only partially, but you’re, we’re all seeing some sense of light. Okay, come in, which is great. So it isn’t just like, okay, let me just relax, and it’ll all go back to normal. No, we’ve already shifted into, quote, a new normal, or to a new way of thinking, a new way of operating. So I think there’s a huge opportunity here for every leader to say, what’s next now?
And how can I be a leader to make it happen? How can I make it go? How can I be out front more? So one of the things that I really am emphasizing with my clients is, is that as well, there’s like three things right off a real leaders, and the most successful people in business are going to solve the big problems or bigger problems. So we all have a skill set. And we all have, like, you know what, what we can do, but if everyone asked themselves, what are the biggest problems and challenges now that my clients or, you know, internal, or external that I am serving? What are those problems and get super clear. And try and really ask them, what are their biggest problems? And why are they big? And and if they don’t get solved, what does that look like? And put your pursuits on solving the biggest problems that you can. So that’s one.
The other thing I think, is that in the solving of the problem, ask yourself, am I being a magician, or a mule? so a magician, how it feels to the client, or how it feels internally for the people you’re serving. A magician is like waving their wand and boom, it’s done. It feels like magic to the other person. People pay more and they value more magician work. Mules do important work. But mules are generally you’re doing mule kind of work when the other person you’re doing it for could potentially do for themselves, but they just don’t have time with the bandwidth. Okay? It’s still important. But the idea is, is that I think real leaders as we go forward the opportunities to solve big problems, and to be like a magician, to the people we’re helping. And then I think the third thing is, which kind of speaks to this is to simplify, simplify, simplify.
Easier said than done way easier said than done. But noise is the thing, that and things that are even kind of nice to do, will get in the way of doing bigger things, and more impactful things to being the magician. And frankly, I think to simplify is it’s also not just in business, but in your life, what doesn’t matter as much anymore, and lighten your load.
Nicole: Hmm, genius. Okay, so I’m gonna repeat those three, because I thought they were great. Mary says what we need to do in our new normal is to look like at the bigger problems and see what we can do. Number two is to see what you can do to be a magician. And when you said that what came to me Mary was this idea of, you know, there are obstacles in people’s way. And oftentimes they look at the obstacles and think, oh, there’s nothing that the leader can do for me. But oftentimes, the leader does have some power to remove an obstacle and then the other people can solve their own problem.
So I love that do magician work, don’t be a mule. And then number three, simplify, simplify, simplify. I absolutely love it. Well, it has been so fantastic to be with you on the Vibrant Leadership Podcast. I have one more question for you. This will be our final question. Let’s, let’s say that there’s one female entrepreneur listening right now. And she’s got her toe halfway in the entrepreneurial water. All right. Cuz she’s, she’s got an idea. She’s got something, take the lead on. But she is not sure it’s the right time. All of that. What little whisper would you tell to her? So that she would go ahead and dive in and get in the entrepreneurial pool with you and I?
Mary: I would say a couple things. All right, in that whisper. One, I would say, now is a fantastic time to go for it. And the reason for that is the biggest reason is, is there’s still a lot of flux. And when there’s a lot of flux in a society or culture and change the cool. The good news is you can try something new and you can say, well, if it doesn’t work, I mean there’s a whole there’s a whole lot of room for not being perfect. Okay, in this environment, and when you first start, you’re not going to be perfect, perfect. You never will be. That’s the other secret, but you are learning your way. Right? And so it’s, it might feel a little messier. So that’s also, or that would be one thing I would say is to give it a try. And the second thing I’d say is, yeah, you can jump off a cliff, so to speak, you can feel that way. And there is a moment where you’re going to have to make that decision.
But you know, I would say, put some put your, you know, the brain between your ears to work and do some investigating, and some planning and some thinking through your idea. And asking other people looking to see, you know, asking other people might have done it, what their thoughts would be, you do not have to have a whole business plan, but be thoughtful, before you take that leap about what it looks like. And that would be my advice. And that’s only because probably because I’m a more of an engineer, I’ve engineering background. So I’m like, do some planning, a little planning can go a long way and thinking through, and then at some point, you’re never going to have it all figured out. So the only way to finally figure it out and go for your dreams is to be bold, be bodacious, and just then go for it.
Nicole: Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. And I bet I could whisper something on the back end of that would be go to maryfoley.com. Resources for you to get on. All right. So it is just been a delight Mary Foley to be with you. You are indeed still a wonder woman to me. I have absolutely been delighted to have you on the show today. Tell us one more time how we get a hold of you. What is that we’ve given them maryfoley.com. Is there another way that people can find you?
Mary: Absolutely. Of course, I’m on social. So LinkedIn, you can find me under Mary Foley because I’m one of the I was one of the few ones in the beginning. I got to actually but also Instagram, Mary Foley Rev Up. Facebook, Mary Foley Rev Up and of course, that’s all because of rev up society, but it’s also about energizing. So all those are different resources, and I will be happy to connect with anyone there.
Nicole: Okay, thank you so much Mary Foley. Have a great and vibrant day.
Mary: Thank you so much.
Voiceover: Ready to up your leadership game? Bring Nicole Greer to speak to your leadership team, conference or organization to help them with her unique SHINE method to increase clarity, accountability, energy and results. Email speaking@vibrantculture.com, and be sure to check out Nicole’s TEDx talk at vibrantculture.com/TEDTalk.
